Good Samaritan
by Herszel
Summary: Short Oneshot: Kitty needs a condom? WHAT? starring: Kitty, Remy & Rogue


**Disclaimer: I do not own them.**

**This is story from Remy's POV. **

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**Good Samaritan**

I was sittin' quietly in Rec Room, when I 'eard very familiar voice wit' sout'ern accen'.

"...Ya know all too well thaht Ah don' need it anyway" Rogue said. I cringed, so dey couldn' see me.

"Like, you're right, but you know, I have to do this today. Lance invited me to the cinema" I heard Valley Girl, Kitty, y' know, dat friend of Rogues. By de way, I still can' b'lieve dat Rogue an' Kitty are so close t' each ot'er.

"Ya reallah have ta? Maybeh he..." mon Roguey cut in.

"Of course I have to... I'm doin' this like five years, and I'm sure that Lance would notice if I didn't do this..." Wut? Wut de hell dey're talkin' 'bout? 'm I 'earin' good? Kitty... Kitty an' Lance doin'... I mean... I wouldn' t'ought dat she... Five years? Mon Dieu, pretty fast, but den...

"Ah bet" I heard full o' sarcasm mon chere's voice. Aw, poor thing, she can' touch. But den, I could manage dat... I know some ways... Hehe...

"So what? You really don't have it?" Kitty asked wit' hope.

"Oh, yeah, sho', Ah always have it with mahself, cuz ya never know when Ah could use it... Oops... After all Ah don't need it" again I 'eard mon chere's voice. Poor, poor, if she only trus' in mon skills.

"Rogue don't be like that. Do this someday, just for yourself. The skin is so soft..." Wut? Is Kitty talkin' Rogue t' do...? Aw, I wish I could see dat.

"Sho', did ya ask Scott?" Wut? She asked Scott, but not Remy?

"Yeah, but he said that he didn't have it" Yeah, sho', like 'e is' usin' it. Not only Jean's virtuous but also 'e aren' any better.

So I decided dat I'll 'elp Kitty. Why not? Mebbe I'm not Good Samaritan but I don' leave mon friends in need eit'e'.

"Bonjour Petites" I said wit' a grin. Dey almos' jumped from surprise.

"Oh, Rem, hi" Kitty welcomed me wit' a smile. From mon chere I received deat' glare. She loves me!

"'ow are y'?" I asked casually.

"Okay... Listen, I have a business" She didn' look embarassed 'bout dat she's gonna t' ask me fo' Durex. Cuz she's gonna t' ask me, isn' she?

"_Oui_? Wut Remy can do fo' y'?" I asked, an' I mus' 'ave imagined it, or mon chere murmured somet'in' 'bout mon primitive talkin' in t'ird person. Ha! But dis is sexy, isn' it?

"You see... Sorry that I'm bothering you, but I already asked Scott, and he hasn't had..."

"Don' be surprised..." I winked at 'er.

"I thought that he's using it, but nevermind... I asked Kurt too, but you know, he doesn't need to use it after all" she said t' me as if it was de mos' obvious t'in' in de world. But... Kurt 'as a girlfrien', 'asn't 'e? Mebbe 'e is sterile?

"Oh, I didn' know" I replied.

"You didn't? I thought that this is quite obvious, you see..."

"No need t' go int' details" I said 'astily. I don' need to 'ear 'bout Kurt's sterility. Dis is somet'in' at least unnecessary.

"Okay, okay" she looked at me oddly "so you see, you're my last chance"

"_Oui_, I'll lend y' it" I cut in.

"Have ya been eavesdroppin'?" mon chere asked moi.

"Oh, _non_, I would never do somet'in' like dis, chere!" mon chere rolled her beautiful eyes in such a cute way... Merde! Wut's 'appenin' t' moi? Y' act like a fool in love, LeBeau! Stop it right now!

"Nevermind" Kitty said in 'aste. I bet dat she got dat feelin' dat me an' mon chere will argue... Too bad, I like it.

"_D'accord_... Dey must be somewhere here" I said an' started search my pockets.

"Are ya carry it in yo' pockets?" mon chere asked an' stared at me oddly enough t' make blush a li'l. Jus' a li'l.

"Yeah, sho', every real man should 'ave it. Y' never know, when y' could use it, _non_?" I winked at 'er, but she answered me wit' even mo' oddly look. Probably she t'inks dat I'm a perv... but den, isn' it true?

"Great, I give you it back as soon as I'll be over with it" Wut? Kitty wants t' give me condom after... after... EW! Dat's disgustin'!

"Oh, dere's no need t' do dat!" I said in 'aste. I finally found it "'ere" I gave 'er a condom.

"What's that?" she asked me wit' a shock all over 'er face.

"Oh, it 'as 'orns... y' know, it intensify woman's pleasure... I 'eard" I added 'astily.

"Is this a condom?" she asked me.

"Of course" I answered an'... an' 'eard a loud laugh. Mon chere was laughin'. It was like a music t' my ears... But wait... Why she is laughin'?

"Remy... I didn't want a condom... just a shaver..." Kitty said slightly embarrassed. But den she started to laugh wit' mon chere.

_Dieu_, I'll never understand women...

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Don't be shy... review... please?

Oh, and I know, the title sucks...


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